Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's the barista slut.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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