he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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