I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
