you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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