Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
