I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
this hospital has no fireball
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
