If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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