So drunk its hurt
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
