there was a trapeze. enough said
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
