I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
