hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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