i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
