Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
