two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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