woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
