The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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