"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
