He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
