She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
