theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
