he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
