I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
