I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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