Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
