look no pants
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
