I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
