it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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