why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
