There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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