I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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