My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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