So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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