Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
