We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
