the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
