lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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