sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
