I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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