She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
