I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Houston, we have a blender
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
