just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
