2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
