I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
