Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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