if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
