Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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