I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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