i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
