how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
even my farts smell like vagina
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
