my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
