My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
