The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
