I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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