Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
