so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
