There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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