from now on my penis is your penis
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
