Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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