What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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