I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
