I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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