How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
