I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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