I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
