i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize