South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
