hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
