if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
