does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
