somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
