But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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