i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
