I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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