he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
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We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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