the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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