Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
