based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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