oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
