meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Damn victory sex feels great
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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