i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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